Emotions Abound

Where to start.

How about back in Oregon? Rewind to March 9th of this year. That is the issue date on my GED certificate, and since I can't remember dates at all, we'll use it to start.

Let's see, what was happening then? Well, I was overcoming my social anxiety of school by jumping over a major hurdle with my GED. Spurred on by my (then) girlfriend, getting the GED led the way to many revelations for me.

When I passed all the GED tests on my first try, with all but one (math) being in the top 85 percentile after a weeks worth of study, confidence slowly started to build. I began to feel proud about something other than how good I was in a game. This, along with a few other things (nothing's better at getting a guy to do something than a good woman), led to my decision to start college. Me being the one who went to college? "Who knew" was the phrase of the month.

For my first term at UCC I decided to ease in, no use overwhelming yourself and quitting halfway through. Not knowing what I wanted to do with my life, I didn't declare a major and took Writing 121 and Business 101 to get my feet wet. I was nervous as all hell for the first week or so, then I began to get in my groove. This was also where my relationship was hitting major hitches, and ironically, where I really feel I started coming to life.

At mid-term I was full of confidence, and owned whatever room I was in. In writing I was one of the top, and certainly the biggest of the class, sparking debate and not backing down from challenges (She even had me teach one day). Business, on the other hand, I hated. It was a horrible class, and I could barely stand it, but I wasn't going to quit. In fact, my team's presentations where consistently the best each week, having only fallen below 100% once. I finished the term with a perfect 4.0 GPA and many compliments from teacher and student alike. I never felt so good about myself.

During the course of all this I had really come into my own. I started embracing my tastes, buying clothes that I wanted. The same clothes I may have been too embarrassed to wear earlier. Fully shedding the shame of being a dork that was loaded onto me through years of horrible schools (causing my eventual drop out), I became myself, and I realized, that I can do things for myself. I went into college doing it for my girlfriend, and I finished the term for me. I have finally become important enough to myself to want to do things for....myself. It's always been someone else, and I finally realized it doesn't have to be. I'm still doing what I can to put myself in a good position for an eventual family, but I am also doing it because I want to, and that's the difference.

Another thing I found out is that Oregon school credits wont transfer to other states. This dashed plans made to have Rob move up, we both get our AAs, then relocate back to Texas to get BAs. So another plan was formed, I move down, get settled, and do all of my college in Texas. Plans were soon set into motion and before I knew it, I had nothing holding me back. This is when the realization that I'd really be leaving set in.

I have lived near my family all my life. I am very close to them and love them all dearly, despite our differences. To move out of home would be big in itself, but halfway across the country? Just a tad scary. I had to do it though. If I backed out, it would be yet another thing I'd wish I had gone through with. Even if it failed miserably, I'd have given it a shot.

So after many impossibly hard goodbyes (and one LONG drive), here I am, somewhere in east Texas, writing this while sitting in Rob's comfy computer chair and drinking all his Pepsi. From here on out it is an adventure. My adventure, and I intend to make the most of it. Good things are coming my way, I will see to that.